I just want to preface this by saying that I was really debating on whether or not to post this. Being vulnerable and letting people look into my life like this is scary. It has been so easy to hide our pain and struggles on social media and even in face-to-face conversation. The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 that we are to "encourage one another and build one another up." I'll admit, lately, gossip and discouraging talk have been rolling off of my tongue more than they should. You'd be surprised how easy it can be to unconsciously include negative words into your everyday conversations. I've felt really convicted about this lately. I've spoken down to people as a result of negative things being spoken over me. I always thought that I had the ability to let those harsh words roll off my back, but what I see now is how I've clung to them and used them to mold my identity and affect how I talk about myself.
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits" Proverbs 18:21
It really is true. What we say to people can bring life or death. The words we choose to use cling to people whether they know it or not. Over the past week or so, I really began to examine myself and what I've found is that I have unconsciously let myself be defined by what is spoken to me. I know people don't always say hurtful things and mean them, it's just how they're used to communicating with people, but eventually, those jokes turn into truths we begin to believe about ourselves.
I recently took the love languages test and one of my top languages was words of affirmation. Now, I definitely was NOT expecting that. Honestly, I never felt like people's words of affirmation really affected me. I grew up in a house where I never really remember loving, affirming, and encouraging words being spoken on a consistent basis. Every once in a while, I'll send my mom a verse from my quiet time along with a few words of encouragement. I don't think I had a reason for doing it until it hit me that I do it because I want someone to do that for me. I want someone to see or read something that makes them think of me and send me a word of encouragement. I try to go out of my way and do little things here and there that let people know that I care and that I'm thinking about them, to let them know that I love them. I love my friends probably more than any person should. I want to help them, see them succeed, and see them be happy. If there's conflict among us, as much as I don't want to, I'll try to bring everyone in and try to resolve it. I honestly believe that friends should take a personality test so that their friends can understand how to love and serve them better.
Over the past couple of days, I've been able to wrap my head around the idea that the words I speak over others and myself, along with what people say to me drastically changes how I see and talk about myself on a daily basis. Even little things like, "hey, thanks for thinking of me and grabbing me a drink" or "I'm really proud of you for working hard and getting a good grade on that exam" make a world of difference. The smallest words of encouragement and affirmation impact people. In the past, I had friends speak down to me and then claim that that was just their sense of humor. Well, with being at the end of some jokes, I began to watch what I said around them so I could avoid being at the center of a joke. I began to feel less than what I knew I was. I forgot who I was in Christ.
Like most girls, I tend to joke about my appearance. This negative self-talk developed in my early teen years and continued into college which led to it being discussed with friends. I would look in the mirror and seriously ask myself, "what guy would think I was pretty or attractive?" I would point out my acne, my hair that 9/10 days looks like a birds' nest when I roll out of bed, and any other physical imperfections and feel so unworthy because I wasn't good enough to be loved by people. What I've come to realize (as cliche as it sounds) is that the only voice that matters is the voice of my Heavenly Father. He's the only one that has been with me from the beginning. He knit me together in his image. When my friends and I talk negatively about each other, we're telling God that his image isn't good enough; that who he is and what he embodies isn't enough for us. Wow.
In order for the negative and discouraging words and thoughts to be flushed out of my system, I need to replace them with words that are uplifting, edifying, and Christ-honoring. Those words can be found in the Word and even among fellow believers. When you take something negative out of your life, replace it with something positive. The best thing to do is find what God's word says about you. One thing I do is write out verses I've highlighted or underlined in my bible, write them down on index cards, and tape them either on my wall or on my bed. I look up and see what He says about me and remember that because I'm His child, I no longer have to identify as what has been spoken to me. The most influential thing you can do is start having a consistent quiet time with the Lord. I've noticed a tremendous difference in my life since I've had a consistent quiet time with the Lord every morning. Every day I walk away from that time with a little tidbit of wisdom that I carry throughout the day and meditate on. I've tried to catch myself before I gossip or slip a negative comment into a conversation by saying, "Is this in any way enhancing the kingdom of God?" If it's not, there's no need for me to say it.
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." Psalms 19:14
I want to be able to talk to people and walk away leaving them to feel encouraged. I want my words to give life, not suck the life out of the person. As it says in Psalms 19:14, I want the words of my mouth to be pleasing to the Lord. Encouraging words come from a pure heart. You speak out of the abundance of your heart (Matthew 12:34) meaning, whatever is in your heart will overflow and come out of your mouth. I've said hurtful things I should not have said and it came from the brokenness and insecurity in my heart. Whatever you choose to put in will eventually come out. With the Lord's help, we can all strive to reflect the heart of Christ with our words.
I've come a long way and I've still got a long way to go but He is so, so faithful.
"May the LORD bless you and protect you. May the LORD smile on you and be gracious to you. May the LORD show you his favor and give you his peace."
Numbers 6:24-26
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